


All of Me Loves All of You

by deathbysandblk



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 22:29:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14122182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbysandblk/pseuds/deathbysandblk
Summary: Title inspired by the song "All of Me" by John Legend.Neil isolates himself from Todd. Todd just wants to know what's wrong.





	All of Me Loves All of You

**Author's Note:**

> Anderperry: “please don’t do this. Don’t become a ghost” where one of them is starting to isolate themselves bc of depression or whatever and the other wants to help and was requested by @mydearvxncent on tumblr. I hope you like it! I'm sorry it took so long and thank you for bearing with me!

Todd tried to enter the room and, for the third time this week, it was locked. He was getting really tired of Neil locking him out of their shared dorm room. He pounded on the door, waited a few moments listening in, and then pounded on the door again. 

“Neil! Let me in!”

He waited a few more minutes, but then heaved a sigh and went across the hall to Charlie and Cameron’s room. He had barely knocked when Charlie opened the door.

“Neil locked you out again?”

Todd only nodded. Charlie opened the door wider, allowing him to come in. He moved his textbooks from the end of his bed, so that Todd would be able to sit down. Todd nodded his thanks, and then nodded to Cameron in greeting, before he took a seat.

“I just don’t know what’s going on with him. Why does he keep locking me out?”

“Did you two fight?”

“No, before three days ago, everything was fine. He was acting just like Neil. Something’s wrong, I just don’t know what. Has he ever done this before?”

Charlie didn’t even hesitate before answering. 

“No, not anything like this. I mean, he’s had his off days where he doesn’t talk to anyone, but then again, he did have the room to himself for quite a while before you came. But it’s not your fault, Todd, don’t worry about it. He’ll snap out of it soon enough.”

“That won’t stop me from worrying. And to be honest with you, at this point, I’m a little mad. It’s one thing to not talk to me, but it’s a complete other thing to prevent me from getting into my room at night. It’s not only inconveniencing me, but also you two since I have to keep crashing here. It’s a good thing I already had my books on me and that you and I are about the same size.”

“I understand. You have every right to be angry with him, Todd, but if you do get to talk to him, please be gentle.”

“I will, of course I will. I love him. I’m just worried about him.”

***

The next day, in English class, Keating pulled him to the side.

“Todd, what’s going on with Neil? He hasn’t been in class for four days. He’s going to get in a lot of trouble for missing so much. I only say that because I’m worried. I’m not angry with him, just concerned. Is he sick?”

Todd was doing everything in his power to keep himself from crying, but it was to no avail. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Keating, but I don’t know what’s up with Neil. He won’t talk to me. He won’t even let me into the room. I’ve been staying in Charlie and Cameron’s room. And I’m just upset because everyone expects me to know what’s wrong with him, I mean, he is my boyfriend, after all, but I just don’t know and it’s bothering me so much. I should know. I should be able to tell you, but I just have no clue. I feel like such a bad boyfriend. I should be trying harder, doing more, I’m, I’m so sorry, Mr. Keating.” 

Mr. Keating looked a little shocked at Todd speaking so much, but he seemed to get over it quickly saying,

“Todd, you said he’s refusing to let you in your own room? That is simply not okay. Let me take you there right now and I’ll open the door for you. I have a key for every room in this building.”

“Oh, no, th-that’s okay. I don’t want to make him angry.”

“Todd, he’s making me angry by refusing to let you in to your own room. Trust me, I’ll be with you the whole time, but we need to confront him.”

The two of them headed to Neil and Todd’s dorm and Mr. Keating knocked on the door. After hearing no answer, he declared,

“Neil? This is Mr. Keating. I have a key and I’m going to unlock the door. Todd needs to be able to get in the room.”

He opened the door, and let Todd go in first. Both of them looked at Neil and were shocked to see how red his face was and how puffy his eyes looked. 

Mr. Keating knelt down beside his bed, asking,

“Neil, what’s the matter?” 

He simply shook his head.

“Neil,” he said gently. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I’m going to have to go get the nurse who will have to call your father-,”

“Alright, I’ll talk, but only to Todd.”

“Fair enough. I will be in my office if you need me.” 

Mr. Keating left the room, leaving the boys together in a silence so heavy it was stifling. 

“Neil? Won’t you please talk to me?”

Neil said nothing. He wouldn’t even look Todd in the face.

“Neil, don’t do this. Don’t become a ghost. Don’t shut me out, please.” 

“I, I wasn’t trying to shut you out, Todd, really I wasn’t. It was just the thought of you seeing me like this that paralyzed me with fear. How could I possibly face you when I’m not your bubbly, fun, Neil. When I’m not the Neil you probably fell in love with.”

Todd sat next to Neil on his bed and with the saddest, most concerned look on his face, said,

“Is that what you think of me? That I would be so shallow as to only love you when you’re happy? That’s not how this works, Neil. It just bothers me that you were literally shutting me out. I was so concerned for you and for us because you wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong. And keeping me out of my own room? That’s not okay, Neil.”

The look on Neil’s face was one that could be summed up as deep remorse mixed with guilt. 

“You’re absolutely right. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll tell you what’s going on.”

“I’m all ears,” said Todd calmly and gently.

“Sometimes I get really depressed and I just don’t feel like I can talk to anyone, or do anything, really and so I just shut myself off. I’m sorry. That’s no excuse for the way I treated you though.”

“Neil, I forgive you for all that, I just want you to know you can talk to me if you’re feeling depressed. I’m here for you. I love you and I care about you and I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t come to me with this stuff. You don’t have to tell me everything, of course, but it’s always an option.”

Neil nodded. He yawned, rubbing his eyes. 

“Being sad sure can wear a person out,” he said with a half-attempt at humor. 

“Lie down,” said Todd. “Get some rest.”

“I don’t want to yet. I want to make sure everything is good between us.”

“It is, I promise it is, but it won’t be if you don’t get some rest.”

“I will only get some rest if you rest with me.”

“Now that’s a compromise I can get behind,” said Todd with a smile as he got into bed beside Neil. 

“I love you so much, Todd, I’m sorry again for everything.”

“Shhh, it’s okay. I love you too. Go to sleep now.”

Neil didn’t have to be told twice. His eyes grew heavy and quickly shut and his breathing slowed down. Todd smiled, looking at his boyfriend, and listening to the soft snores he was emitting. Feeling that all was well, he too shut his eyes, glad to be back in his own room.


End file.
